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Call that alert? You're practically falling over. The body's a hell of
an efficient machine, but it's still just a machine. Ask too much of it
and you risk overload.?
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She shoved back a sleeve. ?Don't lecture me. I know when I'm pushing
things. Just give me the stuff.?
The figure in the corner was mumbling aloud. ?I don't know why people
blame me for things. Weird, isn't it? It's not like I'm perfect or
something but, sweet William, I don't see where some people come off
always blaming others for life's little problems.?
Clemens smiled. ?That's quite profound. Thank you, Golic.?He filled the
injector, checking the level.
As she sat there waiting to receive the medication she happened to
glance in Golic's direction and was surprised to see him grinning back
at her. His expression was inhuman, devoid of thought-a pure idiot's
delight. She looked away distastefully, her mind on matters of greater
import. 127
127
?Are you married??the straightjacketed hulk asked unexpectedly.
Ripley started. ?Me??
?You should get married.?Golic was utterly serious. ?Have kids... pretty
girl. I know lots of 'em. Back home. They always like me. You're gonna
die too.?He began to whistle to himself.
?Are you??Clemens inquired.
?What??
?Married.?
?Why??
?Just curious.?
?No.?He came toward her, the injector hanging from his fingers. ?How
about leveling with me??
He hesitated. ?Could you be a little more specific??
?When I asked you how you got assigned here you avoided the question.
When I asked you about the prison ID tattoo on the back of your head you
ducked me again.?
Clemens looked away. ?It's a long sad story. A bit melodramatic, I'm
afraid.?
?So entertain me.?She crossed her arms over her chest and settled back
on the cot.
?Well, my problem was that I was smart. Very smart. I knew everything,
you see. I was brilliant and therefore thought I could get away with
anything. And for a while I did.
?I was right out of med school, during which time I had managed the
extraordinary accomplishment of finishing in the top five percent of my
class despite having acquired what I confidently believed to be a
tolerable addiction to Midaphine. Do you know that particular
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pharmaceutical??Ripley shook her head slowly.
?Oh, it's a lovely chain of peptides and such, it is.
128
Makes you feel like you're invincible without compromising your
judgment. It does demand that you maintain a certain level in your
bloodstream, though. Clever fellow that I was, I had no trouble
appropriating adequate supplies from whatever facility I happened to be
working in at the time.
?I was considered most promising, a physician-to-be of exceptional gifts
and stamina, insightful and caring. No one suspected that my primary
patient was always myself.
?It happened during my first residency. The center was delighted to have
me. I did the work of two, never complained, was almost always correct
in my diagnoses and prescriptions. I did a thirty-six-hour stretch in an
ER, went out, got high as an orbital shuttle, was crawling into bed to
lose myself in the sensation of floating all night, when the 'com buzzed.
?A pressure unit had blown on the center's fuel station. Everyone they
could get hold of was called in to help. Thirty seriously injured but
only a few had to be sent to intensive care. The rest just needed quick
but rote attention. Nothing complicated. Nothing a halfway competent
intern couldn't have managed. I figured I'd take care of it myself and
then hiphead it back home before anyone noticed that I was awfully
bright and cheery for someone who'd just been yanked out of the sack at
three in the morning.?He paused a moment to gather his thoughts.
?Eleven of the thirty died when I prescribed the wrong dosage of
painkiller. Such a small thing. Such a simple thing. Any fool could've
handled it. Any fool. That's Midaphine for you. Hardly ever affects your
judgment. Only once in a while.?
?I'm sorry,?she said softly.
?Don't be.?His expression was unforgiving. ?No one else was. I got seven
years in prison, lifetime probation, and 129
129
my license permanently reduced to a 3-C, with severe restrictions on
what and where I could practice. While in prison I kicked my wonderful
habit. Didn't matter. Too many relatives around who remembered their
dead. I never had a chance of getting the restrictions revised. I
embarrassed my profession, and the examiners delighted in making an
example of me. After that you can imagine how many outfits were eager to
employ someone with my professional qualifications. So here I am.?
?I'm still sorry.?
?For me? Or about what happened? If it's the latter, so am I. About the
prison sentence and subsequent restrictions, no. I deserved it. I
deserved everything that's happened to me. I wiped out eleven lives.
Casually, with a dumb smile on my face. I'm sure that the people I
killed had promising careers as well. I destroyed eleven families. And
while I can't ever forget, I've learned to live with it. That's one
positive thing about being assigned to a place like this. It helps you
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learn how to live with things that you've done.?
?Did you serve time here??
?Yes, and I got to know this motley crew quite well. So when they
stayed, I stayed. Nobody else would employ me.?He moved to give her the [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]