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night, because I didn't think you were ready for it, but obviously
you are. You've started to process it."
"Process what?"
"Process what?"
"She told you not to cry. That's why you stopped crying. The
day the nuns came to get you was the coldest day of winter,
according to your grandma. When you started to cry, your
grandma told you that your new family wouldn't want to see you
cry. You took that literally and never cried in front of the
Greaves. Your dad said you used to cry at night but as soon as
someone came into the room, you stopped. That's it! I never
made the connection before, but that's it!"
"Oh, no!" were the only words I heard for a long time, repeated
over and over again.
"You obeyed her too well."
No response.
"Destiny, are you there?"
Still no response.
"Destiny!" I was starting to get alarmed.
"I think I'm crying, Kris. Not a lot, but a little," she said faintly.
"That's great!" I shouted. "You're crying! That's wonderful!"
"I had a memory. Thanks to you, I had a memory. I can't believe
I had a memory, even if it was in my dreams," she sounded
excited. "Now I'm laughing and crying at the same time. What
the hell's the matter with me?"
"Nothing is. Not one thing. You're going to be fine."
"You think a memory counts if it's in a dream?"
"Of course it does. A memory is a memory, no matter what form
it comes in," I said, and instantly felt sick to my stomach with the
realization of what I'd just said.
realization of what I'd just said.
"Isn't it funny that part of what I dreamed was about my life
today, and the other part was about the past?"
I wasn't listening anymore. I could hardly breathe. As fast as I
could, I said good-bye, got off the phone and ran to the
bathroom. I closed the door and threw up.
****
As I was coming out of the bathroom, I ran into Ann. She
looked at me with concern.
"Are you okay, Kris?"
"I just threw up."
"Are you sick?"
"I wouldn't have thrown up if I wasn't sick."
"No, I meant do you have the flu or something."
"I don't think so."
"Maybe it was something you ate."
"Maybe," I said vaguely and excused myself, trying to get back
to the solace of my private office.
As I was walking down the hall, her voice stopped me.
"Hey, Kris...."
"Yes, Ann?" I waited with exaggerated patience.
"You're starting to look a little run down lately. Are you sure
you're okay?"
"I'm fine," I lied.
"Is it that case you're working on? Is it Destiny?"
"I wish it were that simple," I said, the fatigue evident in the
slowness of my words. "Really, Ann, I'm fine. When I can, I'll tell
you all about it."
you all about it."
She knew enough not to push me any further.
"Remember, you can talk to me if you need to, Kris."
I wanted to believe her, but I couldn't.
She saw the disbelief in my eyes. I turned and continued walking
down the long, narrow hallway.
When we were kids, Ann and I had never been close. She and
Gail had shared a room and a life. I was no part of either. They
were good friends and I was the outsider.
It wasn't until after we'd both moved out of the house we grew
up in, that slowly but surely, Ann and I had managed to forge a
friendship, based mostly on working together. Still, I never
completely trusted her. After all, she, too, had come from the
same abusive environment.
****
I spent the afternoon in my office with the door and the blinds
closed. Ostensibly, I was working on a marketing piece. In fact,
I wasn't doing much of anything. I was doodling on a legal pad
and sipping soda to settle my stomach when Michelle called to
remind me that we were meeting that night for dinner. It was a
good thing she called  I'd completely forgotten that we had
plans.
I wasn't in the mood to go out to dinner with her, particularly
since I knew I'd have to listen to her psychic's predictions, but
I'd promised, so off I went at the appointed hour.
"You look tired," Michelle greeted me as I ambled into Gay-
lords Grille, our favorite restaurant.
"You look radiant!" I said and she did.
"You look radiant!" I said and she did.
I tried to think what was different about her, but I couldn't
pinpoint it. Her outfit was the same as always: loose-fitting rust
colored mock-sweats, forest green turtleneck, and a large-print,
floral pattern light jacket. Several years back, she'd had her
colors done and since then had refused to wear any color other
than fall colors: rust, green, gold, brown. She'd even convinced
me that I should wear brighter colors and most of the time, I
followed her advice. That night, I was wearing a purple long-
sleeved sports shirt, a fluorescent pink and teal pull-over coat,
and my usual faded blue jeans and Topsiders. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]