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feed a cow.
 Sorry, Pru. I m just concerned.
 Well, I didn t do it on purpose, I can tell you that. Ma took sick
when we came home at Christmas. She was in a good deal of pain and
took to her bed a lot. Of course, the laudanum the doc gave her might
have had something to do with that. She tried to heal herself, but
whatever she tried never made the pain or the growth go away. I took
on the housework and caring for her. I just forgot to eat regular. I was
too busy and Pa was in all his states. Some days he d break down
weeping something fierce. Other days he d be a regular sourpuss,
grumbling at everyone and everybody. Living here these last seven
months has been pure hell.
Her mother s weariness at Christmas now made horrible sense.
She d been sick a lot longer than seven months.
 Why didn t you say something? We could ve helped. You could
have all come to live with us.
Her laugh held no humor.  Pa wouldn t leave this place. Ma
wouldn t leave Pa. She said she had enough to battle and worry over
without the two of you tugging on her to come to you.
Knowing her father as she did, Belle could see why her mother
would be concerned about leaving him alone.
Pru turned her face to the stars.  She wanted me to stay with you at
Christmas. She was so proud of you and Grace and what you d
accomplished. Proud of the men you d chosen. She thought I could do
well, too. I d be lying if I said I wasn t tempted. Then I remembered
how she cried and cried after you left. I just couldn t stand to think of
her crying like that over me.
Ma had cried? And here all this time Belle had thought her parents
wanted them gone. Not once in the years since had her mother
mentioned any regrets or that she missed them. Belle and Grace had
always figured they were one less mouth to feed, one less burden. To
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hear different now&
Pru scooted to the edge of the rocker.  Don t get me wrong. Ma was
peacock proud when Grace married Jake. And mighty boastful you
were working with the town doctor. She loved lording it over our
uppity neighbors. She only wanted the best for all of us. If that meant
having us leave, she accepted that. I just couldn t do it knowing how
she would cry. She leaned back.  Or maybe I wasn t as brave as the
two of you.
 In hindsight, it turned out to be a good thing you stayed.
Pru nodded.  Sure was. Even if I did let myself get this way. Trust
me. It wasn t intentional. So& has Reverend Paul asked for your hand
yet? Ma figured he d be doing so soon.
Everyone sure liked to plan her life.  I m not inclined to marry.
 Why? Don t you love him? You sure do sparkle when you two are
together. Just like Grace and Jake do.
Belle avoided her gaze.  The idea of marrying just doesn t appeal to
me.
Pru leaned back and started to rock again.  It does to me. When I
think of how much Ma and Pa loved each other, how devoted they were
to each other, I can t wait to have the same thing for myself.
Belle didn t want to disillusion her with the truth. Someone needed
to have good memories of their father Belle sure couldn t. Not after
what he d done. Sharing that news with Pru served no purpose.
 It s been a long day. We should probably get some sleep.
 Probably. I can t believe I slept the day away and I m still ready
for bed. I know you must be exhausted. Pru pushed herself from the
chair.  This might sound cruel, but I sure enjoyed having Ma and Pa s
bed all to myself. Susannah kicks and Charity hogs the bed.
Belle remembered those days all too well. The only time it was nice
to be wedged in a bed with one or two other people was when it was
cold.
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 But there s plenty of room for you, too, Pru said as she opened
the door.  I ll sleep against the wall so you can crawl in when you re
ready.
 I ll be along shortly. Tired as she was, sleep was the farthest thing
from her mind. Belle searched the stars for the Big Dipper. How many
times had she and Paul sat outside in the dark picking out
constellations? Most of the names she d learned from him.
Love Paul? Of course she loved him. And that love seemed to be
growing by leaps and bounds of late. But marriage? He was her best
friend. Marriage would change everything and she just couldn t risk
losing him.
Who was she fooling? Everything was already changed. Belle
couldn t think about Paul without thinking of how wonderful it had felt
to be with him that way. She craved more of it, much more.
The wagon creaked. Belle shifted her gaze that way. Paul sat in the
bed watching her.
 I thought you were asleep, she said.
 Can t sleep until everyone is down for the night, he said.  Old
habit. Why don t you come over here before we wake Cal up?
A tempting proposition. Paul gave her a hand up as she crawled into
the back of the wagon. Rather than scoot over, he pulled her into the
crook of his arm. Belle nestled down. It was nice, safe, comfortable.
That s how it always was when she was around him.
He braced himself on one elbow.  Does your disinterest in marriage
have anything to do with what happened with Mark yesterday?
Because 
Belle placed her fingertips over his lips.  I thought you were brave.
Mark was hell-bent on killing Sid. If you hadn t been there& Well,
let s just say I was awfully proud of you.
A frown tugged his eyebrows closer.  And yet marriage doesn t
appeal to you. Why? I love you, you know. I have from the time I first
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laid eyes on you.
 Sometimes love isn t enough. When I think of my parents& 
Belle bit off the words. She could tell Paul anything, couldn t she? She
gave a humorless chuckle.  Pru thinks they had this wonderful, loving,
devoted marriage. Odd how we can live in the same small cabin and
see things differently. I used to think not much could go on in there
without the rest of us knowing. I just don t have the heart to tell Pru the
truth.
He traced his thumb along her jawline.  Every couple has its rough [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]